2nd
Crappy American TV shows
Was talkin to a friend about how bullshit a lot of American shows are when almost 40% of the show is WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE BREAK and WHAT WILL HAPPEN AFTER THE BREAK.
The concept is that these shows are designed for the average american television consumer who flicks through channels as if his life depended on it.
For those of us who don’t do that, it’s fucking frustrating since a large part of the show is just overlapping useless crap.
Times like this I wish I had my own show so I can make a parody skit out of it like chappelle.
*it would look something like this*
-cue some bullshit top 40 rock music-
BEFORE THE BREAK we showed you that Tom had asked out his childhood friend who is now the girl of his dreams! Samantha said YES and now Tom is going to get some professional help from these three fashion gurus. Adam Nobadigivsashit, Brody MT Head and Jerry Klulis. All three have significant experience in the world of fashion and is today taking Tom on a shopping trip to give him a new “look”. Adam Nobodigivsashit took Tom to the spa and got him a spa treatment with dragonfruit, honey, sunflower seed paste and old engine oil. Brody MT Head took Tom to one of the biggest up-and-coming hair salons and got his hair cut.
Tom: Wow you know what, I don’t normally go to these expensive places but I’m really happy with this haircut!
Brody: You look fabulous! Here are some hairproducts you should use for the big date! 3 different hair gels: weak, medium and strong; 2 waxes unscented and 4 different hair sprays to really make your hair impermeable to such elements as water and air.
Tom: Gee thanks!
Brody: You’re welcome!
Tom walks out of the hair salon.
AFTER THE BREAK we show you what little nifty tips and tricks Jerry has for you viewers at home to get that million-dollar-movie-star look! He also offers industry secrets on what the look is this spring, what colors are in and what is OUT. (Fucked up video editing cutting in and out of shopping malls showing girls with blonde hair and fake boobs and dramatic zooming in on brand names like PRADA, GUCCI etc for no reason whatsoever, oh wait they sponsor us oh shi-). We also find out what mysterious secret Samantha has kept hidden from Tom all these years they’ve known each other!
Tom: OH MY GOD what the *beeep* how could you *beeeeeeep* *beeeep*?
Samantha: Tom I didn’t know if I should have told you or not…
Tom: *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*
*Camera zooms in on Tom. Camera shakes a little to show it is handheld and not on any stabilizing equipment to give sense of realism.*
Will Tom and Samantha reconcile? Can they overcome and ultimately what will happen?
ALL THIS, AND MUCH MORE, WHEN WE RETURN, AFTER THE LONGASS STUPID BREAK, ON 99PROBLEMS BUT A GIRL AINT ONE. I’m John Smith and stay tuned!
